


What a Way to Make a Livin'

by sweaters_in_the_summer



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Episode: s07e09 Strictly Business, M/M, Rose Apothecary (Schitt's Creek)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28578231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweaters_in_the_summer/pseuds/sweaters_in_the_summer
Summary: Rose Apothecary is doing well. It's time to hire some help!
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 40
Kudos: 74
Collections: Schitt's Creek Season 7





	1. Pour myself a cup of ambition

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SCSeason7](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCSeason7) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> 7x09
> 
> David and Patrick interview potential new employees for Rose Apothecary. Some of the interviews definitely don't go well.
> 
> ++++++
> 
> This is my first fic. My first time writing any kind of fiction. I fell in love with the show and the fandom over the past six months. Even if this sucks, I'm so glad I found this place!

Patrick wandered into the store from the back room, where he was going over the February numbers. He stretched his arms wide and cracked his back, stiff from sitting at the desk for the past few hours. He spotted his husband over by the scarves, or at least where they _would_ be, if they hadn’t sold out of them the week prior. 

He walks over, noticing that the hand cream is also low. 

David has rearranged the display so there isn’t a huge bare spot in the corner of the store, but he clearly wasn’t pleased by what he saw. 

“Mmm, this is just not going to work,” he said with his hands on his hips. Patrick hooked his chin over David’s shoulder and gazed at the corner where the scarves used to hang. He wrapped his arms around David’s torso and soaked in the warmth for a moment before stepping back.

He waited for David to turn to face him. One of David’s eyebrows rose as he looked at Patrick. “Well, I just finished going over the numbers for last month,” Patrick said. “I think it’s time we hired some help. We can afford it now.”

David had mixed feelings about allowing someone to work in his their beloved store. He certainly had not forgotten the day last year when Jocelyn had worked at Rose Apothecary. He could reluctantly admit that she had been good at sales (though never aloud, and never to his husband) but when she turned down their offer of a job? While wearing a sweatshirt with an owl on it? Unbelievable. Patrick’s jaw clenched whenever the topic came up, so David was slightly surprised to hear that he was suggesting they hire someone.

“Um, Patrick…” David started, but before he could even get another word out, Patrick said through gritted teeth, “oh don’t worry, I know what you’re going to say, David, and we will not be asking Jocelyn to apply.” 

David chuckled and pretended to ring a bell while he stretched his mouth into a rictus of a grin, teeth bared. Patrick knew what he was doing, and his jaw unclenched. “Don’t say it…” he warned, but a laugh lurked behind his eyes. 

“Have a rosy…” David started, but Patrick cut him off with a laughing kiss. 

Later, over dinner at home, they continued the conversation.

“I think we need to be more proactive about hiring someone, David. Not just hiring the first person who expresses interest in the store.”

“Mmm, I totally agree. So what do you propose?” 

“I think we should take out a full-page in the local news and just make it a thing,” Patrick suggested. David rolled his eyes. He knew Patrick was just fucking with him again, reminding him of the store opening. That led to David reminiscing about the hug that ended that night, a half grin on his face as he gazed into the distance. He pulled himself back to the present and shook himself.

“Nice try, honey. I’m not falling for that again,” David replied. A dimple is just lurking under the surface, so Patrick knew he wasn’t really annoyed. “I was thinking, an ad in the Goop newsletter?” David tucked his lips over his teeth and glanced sideways at Patrick, who just looked slightly puzzled.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it’s up to you.” Patrick attempted a wink while David twirled a length of pasta on his fork and nodded. 

“Let’s start by putting up a sign in the store. That way, we’ll know that anyone who applies will at least have some familiarity with the store, and won’t just be some random person looking for any job they can get. We want them to be passionate about the store!” He started to wave his arms around to make a point, and the angel hair on his fork started to unwind. 

Patrick put his hand on David’s arm before the noodles could make a break for it. “How about I’ll write up what I think it should say, and you design the sign?”

“Sounds good,” David agreed, putting the fork in his mouth. He looked confused. Surely he’d loaded his fork with more pasta than that? He mentally shrugged and continued eating dinner.

~~~~~

After he flipped the sign to Closed the next day, Patrick walked over to the counter where David was straightening the lip balms. He handed David a sheet of paper.

> **HELP WANTED**
> 
> Rose Apothecary is looking for part time help! 
> 
> Your responsibilities would include:
> 
>   * Serving customers by helping them select products
>   * Answering questions about our products
>   * Alerting management of potential security issues
>   * Managing financial transactions
>   * Assisting with inventory
> 

> 
> The ideal candidate:
> 
>   * Loves shopping at Rose Apothecary
>   * Is friendly and likes talking to people
>   * Can lift 20 lbs
>   * Is dependable
> 

> 
> Please stop by Rose Apothecary to pick up an application form

David read the ad, looking up when he was finished. “Hand me a pen.”

“Please?” Patrick muttered under his breath before handing his husband a pen. David giggled as he wrote in “like loitering teenagers” next to the third bulleted item on the page. Patrick rolled his eyes. David’s smile vanished as he continued to read.

“Excuse me? What is this?” He jabbed his pen at the page and looked at his husband, eyebrows furrowed. “Assisting with inventory?” 

Patrick blushed, and took the pen from David, crossing out that line. He remembered all of the times that “inventory” took on a decidedly more R-rated meaning. Counting products often turned into wandering hands and a trip to the back room. 

“Thank you,” David said pointedly. I’ll work on making this look nicer, but for now, how about we conduct a little inventory?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Patrick let himself be led behind the curtain.

~~~~~

“Oh my god!”

Patrick poked his head into the back room and saw David sitting on the couch, legs tucked under him. He was reading one of the applications, his eyes wide open in disbelief. His gold engagement rings flashed in the dim light as he waved the sheet at his husband.

“You will not _believe_ what this person wrote in their application.”

They had decided to include a few questions on the application that might help them screen out less desirable candidates. Patrick looked at him curiously, but he wasn’t too worried. David did tend to get a _tad_ dramatic at times, after all.

“Listen to what they said was their top customer service achievement.” David read off the page.

_“A middle aged man asked several times if his elderly mother could use our restroom. I said with a bubbly smile that we do not allow customers to use the bathroom because of our store policy.”_

David’s voice rose in disbelief as he continued. _“As the woman’s son explained our policy to her, she began to defecate right there at the counter! But we helped clean her up and I think we were quite gentle and caring about the whole situation.”_

Patrick barked out a laugh in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“Oh, there’s more, but it’s so horrifying I can’t handle it.” David flung the paper to the floor. For once, his theatrics were completely justified. Patrick leaned down to pick it up off the floor, still convinced David had made it up. Reading the page, he had to give David credit. It really was _that_ bad.

“Ok, we can definitely put this one in the ‘no’ pile,” Patrick said. 

“You think? Oh god, this is so much harder than I thought it would be!” David dropped his head in his hands and groaned.

“Well, look on the bright side, David. At least we have a public restroom!” 

David muttered something about Alexis and Ted and the sink and Patrick picked up the pile of applications that sat on the desk. Leafing through them, he plucked one from the pile, eyes shining. 

“Hey, this one studied at the same university as me!” 

Before long, they had made two piles, and the one with applicants they actually wanted to talk to was much smaller. David sighed as they considered the task ahead of them.


	2. It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it

The interviews were scheduled, one per afternoon for a week. David and Patrick both got more anxious as the first appointment approached, neither of them having any clue what they were supposed to be asking the applicants.

They sat at the farmhouse table in their kitchen eating breakfast. “Did you know there are laws about what you can and can’t ask?” Patrick nibbled a slice of dry (ugh, what was even the point? David wondered) toast while scrolling through his phone. 

David looked up, curiously. “Like what? Please tell me I can ask if they have kids. I refuse to hire someone with kids.” David shuddered. 

“Uh yeah babe, definitely can’t ask that.” Patrick squinted at his phone, then glanced at David. “Why don’t we call Alexis later and see if she remembered the questions she and Ted asked the people they interviewed when she left the vet clinic.” 

David gave his husband a look that could only be described as “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” 

“I just don’t think knowing how they handle a hostage situation will be particularly useful in a retail environment.” 

“That’s true, but maybe she will remember some that Ted asked that are slightly more relevant?” 

David doesn’t think that Ted would have had any questions that didn’t involve puns, and for the second time in as many minutes, his body quaked in revulsion.

Patrick laughed and conceded that David was probably right. “Well, maybe she has some ideas from her own company. She said she hired an assistant, right?”

Patrick started to say something, but stopped abruptly. He couldn’t get any words out because he’d started giggling. Patrick was laughing so hard that tears started leaking out of the corners of his eyes and he looked like the emoji.

David looked at him suspiciously, his mouth twisted into a half smile. “What’s so funny?”

Patrick wiped his eyes and, still giggling, said, “wait, no, let’s ask Stevie if she remembers any of the questions from when she got hired at Larry Air!” 

David’s eyes narrowed at his husband. “Not. Funny.” 

“Maybe we should ask if they can…” he gasped for breath, "...debone a branzino…”

“...during turbulence, yeah yeah,” David snapped. He stood up quickly, almost knocking his chair over, and stomped upstairs to get ready for the day. He could still hear Patrick’s giggles winding down as he was stepping into the shower. He allowed himself a small smile, because after all, it _was_ pretty funny.

Four days later, on a quiet Monday afternoon, they sat at a table at Twyla’s Cafe (thank god Alexis had convinced her to drop “Tropical” from the name) while they waited for their first applicant to appear. They’d closed the store early, and David nervously twisted his rings while Patrick drummed his fingers on the table. The interview was scheduled to start in five minutes, but there was still no sign of Chris, the first person they were interviewing.

“I can’t believe they’re not early,” Patrick muttered. “On time is late.” David naturally rolled his eyes at this, but secretly agreed. It was one thing for him to open the store ten minutes after the posted opening time, but _quite another thing_ for a potential employee not to be so excited for this amazing opportunity that they weren’t early for their interview!

Ten minutes later, there was still no sign of the mysterious Chris. No phone call, nothing. David ordered a muffin (“I know it’s after 5:00, it’s not going to ruin my appetite. Do you even _know_ me?”) and by the time that it had been reduced to a pile of crumbs on a plate, he and Patrick had given up all hope on their first interview.

“Not that we would have hired them - they didn’t even bother to call us! But at least we could have practiced our questions.” Patrick narrowed his eyes and looked over at David to see if he was ready to go home. 

Tuesday afternoon saw the men sitting at the same table as they had the day prior, but three minutes before the appointed time, a teenager wearing a soccer jersey over a pair of shorts and leggings loped through the door, looking around. His eyes lit up as they landed on David and Patrick, and he made his way to the table. Patrick stood up as he approached and said, “Oliver?” 

The teen nodded. “Have a seat,” said Patrick. He quickly peeked over at David’s face, knowing exactly what he’d see there. Sure enough, it was a similar look that had been on his face when he walked out of the bathroom wearing a baseball uniform. Uncertainty warred with disgust. 

“Oliver, I’m David Rose. Patrick and I own the store.” His voice was haughty, and Patrick bumped David’s leg with his knee to get him to chill out a little. It didn’t work. “I assume you like...sports?” 

“I do, yes. I am hoping to get a soccer scholarship to university. And having a job would also help me save up for school.” David, who never had to worry how to pay for anything at Oliver’s age, softened. 

“So is that why you applied for the job?” David asked. Oliver nodded, a blush staining his cheeks. “Nothing to be embarrassed about. My sister worked in a veterinarian’s office to pay for college, and she hates animals.” That got a chuckle out of the boy.

“Just promise me you don’t hate beautiful, carefully curated selections of products sold in a one-stop retail environment that benefits both the vendor and the customer.” Oliver shook his head. 

“Um, no, that sounds good.” 

Patrick finished up the interview, walking Oliver back to the door of the cafe and shaking his hand. The boy wandered off, somehow producing a soccer ball from thin air that he dribbled down the street. 

David eyed Patrick nervously as his husband sat back down at the table. “You want to hire him, don’t you? He’s all…” David grimaced, “...sporty.” 

Patrick shook his head and smiled. “He seemed fine. If we don’t find anyone else we like, he’ll be a good choice. But I think there are some better interviews after this. Let’s just wait and see.”

Wednesday rolled around and along with it, another interview. Patrick was excited about chatting with Thea. She had gone to his university, and he was looking forward to reminiscing about the campus.

Thea walked into the cafe and David’s jaw dropped. At least, he hoped it was Thea. The woman approaching their table wore a black Burberry sweater from three seasons ago that he’d lusted after. David stood up and offered his hand. “Thea? Please be Thea…” 

A wide smile broke over her face and she nodded. “I am. You must be Mr. Rose? Mr. Brewer?” 

“Oh my god, please, it’s David and Patrick! And your sweater, it’s perfection.”

“Thanks! Ebay.” Thea looked proud, and David nodded knowingly, pointing at his own designer top. 

“Same!”

Patrick cleared his throat. “So, Thea. I see you and I went to the same university. Well, it’s been several years since I left…” 

David snorted next to him. “Over a decade, honey.” 

“I’m sure it hasn’t changed that much,” Thea consoled. “But yes, I did. I studied business, and really enjoyed it. One day I’d like to go back to school for an MBA, but for now, I’d like to _not_ have to write any papers for a while.”

“Why do you want to work at Rose Apothecary?” 

Thea considered the question. “I am fascinated by your business model. It’s so unique and original, and the way it supports the local economy is fantastic.” 

They chatted with Thea for about half an hour more, discussing the store and what her responsibilities would be if they hired her. “I’d love to help out as much as I can with the business side of things, like sales projections and budget. Give me a spreadsheet and I’m happy!” David glanced over at Patrick and he could see his mouth forming one of his ubiquitous upside-down smiles. 

After Thea left the cafe, Patrick turned to David giddily. “I think we found our first employee, David!” 

David nodded enthusiastically. “She was great! Did you see that sweater?”

Patrick rolled his eyes and grinned. “Did you hear her mention spreadsheets?” 

“It’s like someone put the two of us in a blender…” David grimaced like he was taking a sip of fruit wine and decided not to finish that sentence.

“I knew what you meant,” Patrick chuckled. 

“Do we even have to interview that person tomorrow?” David asked.

“Yes, we need to give everyone a fair shot.”

“Does that include the sportsball kid?”

“He wasn’t that bad, he just wasn’t Thea.” 

David nodded decisively.

Finally, it was Thursday and their final interview. David’s enthusiasm had waned considerably, but at least he wasn’t nervous anymore. At least they had Thea, he thought with relief.

He turned to Patrick. “What’s the next person’s name?” 

“Delphine.” 

David thought that sounded lovely. Surely she would waft into the store in chiffon, floating on a breeze. No one named Delphine would be less than ethereal, surely?

He watched a short young woman wearing, wait, no. Was that a blue button down? Did she raid his husband’s wardrobe? She wore it with a cute denim miniskirt, at least, but was that a _braided belt_? Sure enough, on her feet were a pair of shoes that would be appropriate on a hiking trail. He looked at Patrick, who was greeting Delphine warmly. He didn’t seem to notice anything familiar about the way she dressed, at least not from what David could tell.

“Hi Delphine, I’m David Rose, and this is my husband Patrick.”

Shyly, she nodded and said hello. The three of them sat down, and David looked at her application. “You studied art, I see. So did I. I used to own several galleries in New York, in fact.”

Delphine seemed to emerge from her shell at this, her face blooming with excitement. “I know, I read about them! That’s why I wanted to work at Rose Apothecary. I’m so inspired by what you’ve done.” She spoke with far more enthusiasm than David had expected, and he found himself drawn to the young woman. 

“What excites you most about working at Rose Apothecary?” Patrick asked.

“I’d love to help source more suppliers, and I am obsessed with skin care. I’d love to be able to help customers find the right regimen for their particular skin.”

Even under the less-than-flattering light of the cafe, it was obvious Delphine had gorgeous skin. “How many steps is your personal regimen?” David was dying to know. 

“Six.”

“Six? I am going to have to hear every single detail of how you can get that skin in only six steps,” David said, and then glanced at his husband, who had one eyebrow raised. 

“Maybe we should get back on the subject, David?” 

“Honestly, Patrick, there’s little more important than skin care. Have you learned nothing from me?” 

Delphine giggled and gave David a knowing look. He was instantly charmed.

“Delphine, Patrick and I have to talk things over and make a decision. We will be in touch with you soon with our decision.”

As Delphine left the store, David looked pitifully at his husband. “Oh my god, she was so perfect! Please can we hire her?” 

“We need to take a step back, David. We felt the same way about Thea, remember?”

David furrowed his brow. He _did_ like Thea, a lot. Just in a different way. 


	3. Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in

David woke up late on Sunday morning, humming as he stretched out in a patch of sunlight. Inhaling deeply, he could smell bacon and coffee. Thanking his lucky stars for a husband who cooked and woke up earlier than him, he pulled on a robe and padded downstairs. Patrick was pouring orange juice into a mug for David (it just tastes better in a mug, he claimed) which sat alongside his coffee and a plate piled with eggs and bacon. 

Patrick stretched over the table to cup David’s cheek as he reached in for a kiss. “Morning, babe.” 

“Mmmm.” David nodded, not quite awake enough for real words. Patrick’s feelings weren’t hurt, he knew it would be a few more minutes before his husband would or could form a coherent sentence.

Patrick decided to take advantage of David’s inability to speak to share his opinion on their first employee. He sat down at the table. “So I’ve been thinking about Thea and Delphine.” David scrubbed his face with his hands and then looked quizzically at Patrick, eyebrows raised.

“I think we should have them each come in for a shift, and kind of like we did with Jocelyn, let them work while we observe them. Then we can make a more informed decision.” David’s brow furrowed for a moment before he spoke, voice still gruff from sleep.

“You know that day with Jocelyn is not something I like to remember.” Patrick nodded. “But you’re probably right. Let’s see if they can come in this week. I’m so tired of thinking about this.”

~~~~~

Delphine took the first shift a few days later on Wednesday morning. Within ten minutes of hitting the sales floor, she had upsold her first customer on some high-end toner. An hour after that, she had rearranged the skincare in a way that even David had to admit made sense. By noon, the restocked scarves that David had previously hung in the corner were folded in some magical origami way that not only showed them off, but also took up less room. That prompted a conversation about Japan with David that Patrick overheard while he set up the computer to get ready for Thea to arrive.

Delphine and David were still chatting as Thea walked in the door. David’s eyes widened at the sight of her sweater, but he was far more interested in the looks that Thea and Delphine gave each other. Delphine blushed and looked down, while Thea, ears pink, headed towards the counter where Patrick stood, waiting for her. 

“Let’s just head to the back, okay?” Patrick pointed at the curtain that hid the office and storeroom. “I want to show you how we have the software set up.” Thea swept the curtain to the side and walked through while David and Patrick gave each other knowing smiles. 

Twenty minutes later, David came into the office to say hello to Thea. He waited for Patrick to finish talking about pivot tables or whatever the fuck before he spoke.

“Hi Thea. Another fantastic sweater, I see.” 

Thea smiled. “Thanks. Found it at a consignment store in Elm Valley.” David’s jaw dropped. 

“Okay, you’re going to have to give me the scoop on that later.” Thea nodded happily, before turning back to Patrick.

“I have an idea. Do you mind?” Thea looked quizzically at Patrick as she took control of the mouse. She clicked on a few things, typed a few things, and then Patrick gasped. 

David had no idea what was going on, but he was pleased that Thea was able to impress Patrick with her business...stuff. It also meant their decision would be more difficult if both of their prospective employees were killing it.

Thea emerged from the back room and wandered over to the table in the middle of the store. Delphine was misting the vegetable display that sat in front of it when Thea picked up a bottle and looked at it, confused. “Shouldn’t this be in the refrigerator?”

Delphine giggled as she continued to mist. Thea laughed. “Only joking. I know what body milk is.”

David watched the exchange from the doorway to the back room. He frantically motioned to Patrick with his arm behind the curtain to _come see this_. Patrick stood behind David and looked over his shoulder at the two women. “This looks familiar,” Patrick whispered in his husband’s ear. He wrapped his arms around David’s waist as the two of them watched the women flirt with each other. 

After a few minutes, Delphine looked down at the vegetables, which were now soaking wet. Patrick grinned at her as he tossed her a towel from behind the counter. Thea wandered to a different part of the store as Delphine mopped up the excess water, unable to wipe a smile off her face.

Once the produce was no longer in danger of drowning, she brought the towel back to Patrick and went to gather her belongings, as her first shift was over. David murmured that he would be in touch early next week and thanked her for coming in. Delphine gave a shy wave to Thea as she walked out the door, bumping her hip into the door frame and stumbling out. Thea’s hand was still raised, face split in a wide smile as Delphine nearly tripped on the way out. 

David raised his eyebrows at Thea, a smile tucked into the corner of his mouth. She quickly turned away, making herself look busy so the men wouldn’t see her blush.

Two nights later, no closer to having made a decision, David and Patrick closed up the shop and, hand-in-hand, headed across the street to the cafe for their usual Friday night date. Before they got to the door, David grabbed Patrick’s arm and dragged him away from the door. 

“Wait!” David gasped. He pulled Patrick to the corner of the building where they could peek in the windows without being seen. Patrick understood immediately what he was looking at.

“She’s sitting at our table!” 

Sure enough, Delphine was sitting facing the door, alone in Patrick and David’s booth. Okay, so it didn’t have their name on it or anything, but they rarely sat anywhere else and surely Twyla knew better than to seat someone there on a Friday night?!

David yanked Patrick around the corner of the building and whispered furiously in his ear “oh my god, look who’s walking up!” It was Thea, wearing yet another sweater that David coveted. She opened the door to the cafe and the men could see her face light up as she entered and made her way over to the table where Delphine sat. 

“I knew it,” David sighed. Patrick could see tears welling up in the corners of David’s eyes. His own heart was feeling a bit melty. 

“Let’s go have dinner at home.” David nodded at his husband with love.

“I guess we know what we have to do now,” David said with a sniffle. “But we’re going to have to make some rules about fraternizing in the back room.”

Patrick smiled slyly. “Only for our new employees, right?”

“Oh, for sure,” David said, pulling his husband in for a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> The worst thing you’ll read in this fic is not made up, I’m sorry to say.
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](https://sweatersinthesummer.tumblr.com/).


End file.
